7.59pm - damn nice. i fell in the bus. got this scratch on me thigh. bahhs. sucks.

anyways. i've got a sprained wrist. damnit. stupid wrist was already loose then er. I LIFTED UP MY PENCIL BOX DEN CRACK. damnit. bandaged it today. hurs. went fer honours day practise which was lagi  boringg.  lucky i had me pillow to accompany me. returned to sch after a whole bunch of drama unfolded at the hdb hub. scary.

training was okay. shooting hurt. guarding hurt. da ban KILLED. damnit. my knees. knee guardless. hur. whatever.

i hate it. i just hate it.

10.04pm - sometimes i just feel like sleeping everything away. the feelings building up inside of me. my pure jealously.i just can't help feeling this lonely

i keep telling myself that i've just got to let you go. i'm not your only friend. but why is it that my heart is defying everything my head is telling me?

you were like my best friend. we did so many loony things together. we went out and all. we laughed we cried. why is it that i feel that things are so different now? maybe it is my fault. for distancing myself from you. or maybe it's you distancing yourself from me. im seriously not shure.

you're up there and here i am. all alone. by myself. wallowing in self pity. thinking back on the fun we had together. regreting not doing countless things ever. just thinking back to when our friendship just seemed so perfect. i don't know. i really don't know anymore. i miss you.

 
Good-bye four leaf clovers
Hello gone awry
Don't cry the fight ain't over
Unless you let it pass you by

I'm looking for a song to sing
Looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might find a heart to follow
I've never been just longing for your loving
I've never been just wearing down to nothing
I've never been just looking for a reason
So that maybe you'll be thinking of me
Oh...You'll be thinking of me

All that I have found in reason
Is reason just to not believe
When all that you're left is treason
Is treason just to let it be

I'm looking for a song to sing
Looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So that I might find a heart to follow
I've never been just longing for your loving
I've never been just wearing down to nothing
I've never been just looking for a reason
So that maybe you'll be thinking of...

The blue yonder dreams and second hand shoes
You're so far gone that you live to lose
And it's too late to go home all alone
Your the tar in that old cigar
And the worn out cable on a cable car
And you're too tired to admit you've got to choose 

I'm looking for a song to sing
Looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might find a heart to follow
I've never been just longing for your loving
I've never been just wearing down to nothing
I've never been just looking for a reason
So that maybe you'll be thinking of me
Oh...You'll be thinking of me

Don't wander through this glassy surface
Expecting to find more than me
'Cause what am I without a purpose
But a lone mirage to see

I'm looking for a song to sing
Looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might find a heart to follow
I've never been just longing for your loving
I've never been just wearing down to nothing
I've never been just looking for a reason
So that maybe you'll be thinking of me
Oh...You'll be thinking of me

You'll be thinking of me

1.45pm -


I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance..........

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin',
Don't let some Hell bent heart leave you bitter,
If you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.)

1.31 - righty.  rachie and gy both aiming fer trip sci. hahas reminds me of the time i wanted. i yearned to get into trip sci. guess i just lost interest. hmms. wanted to get to a bio and chem class. dun tink its a good idea anymore. bahs. currently aimless. might as well drop outta school??

damnit. i hate it. tonnes of hw. off to die.

8.23pm - yayee. back from training!! painnn... all over. ahhs. fell a million times.

decided to do without knee guard cause me left knee's better. then -drumroll- i injured my other knee! collided with sunlu during 1on1 and her SHARP knee jabbed me damn hard where the hole-ish place in the knee is. heard a CRACK then err. hobbled off court and massaged until creaked again. i tink err. my knee cap got knocked out of place. ahh. 

got hit by balls all over my face ALOT ALOT of times. think i got temporary memory loss. couldn't remember what was happening and my already super lag reaction was a million times slower. was so blur i pushed knocked jaclyn to the grnd without realising it. hahas. her elbow jabbed my tummy and i almost puked all me h-two-o out. HAHHAS. aniways. almost caused sunlu to sprain her ankle and err. made alot of boobs smaller. HAHAS. sorry all :D. aniways was mumbling to myself alot thinking guan yu was there and all my words were SLURRED. scary.

walked down the slope with debbers rachie pat davina and kerine miss jo teo was walking right behind us and we din noe!! ahhs!! make a beeg FOOLS outta ourselves before we realised she was behind us. heh. oops.

i lovee friday training!!

3.40pm - righto. back from school pretty early today. hahas. first in a very long time. hmms.

think i did something to something in my foot. was sitting on the fence outside the ccab courts while waiting for debs and sher to return from the wash room. hahas. wished the sc people good luck before jumping off. bad idea. suddenly got this searing sharp/hot /static-like pain in my left foot. bahhs. was okay for awhile. jumped off the stage in school when we returned and it came back again?? damnit. hurts now. bahh.

kaes. guess yesterdays game really was an improvement compared to the others. 49-3 isn't that bad. hahas. was waiting to hit 50 when the last whistle was blown. wanted to keep their score flat. guess we didn't succeed. oh wells.

forgot to bring my knee guard down to ccab. accidently left it on someones bag while i was too engrossed filming everyone. used the tape i bought instead. tore during warm ups. retaped and tore a few mins into first quarter.  couldn't control the movement of my left knee so ended up falling backwards after walking a few steps back trying to regain my balance. bahs. bad on my butt. guess that explains my back hurting today. 

the bms coach looks damn young? bet he's like half of mr tans age or less? lol. thought he was the teacher-in-charge before i realised he was their coach. bms people we're weird. 1 of them was super act cute. she ran to the back while we were shooting and she was swaying from side to side with her hands behind her back "lalala"ing. with 2 ponytails no less! hur. weird. one of them had one of the most humongus boobs ever. she walked ever so slowly and they threatened to hit her square in her face. kerine accidently tapped her head instead of the ball and she OIed her damn loudly. hurs. number 4 was quite chio. hmm. mvps as usual= pat and rachie. yayee

davina said that the coach thought that sheila was our coach cause she was doing the shouting. HAHAHHAS. i wouldn't mind really.

hmm. yeps. thats it. weird entry. pardon me.

6.08pm -  turns out i was either too exhausted or dehydrated on friday thats why i almost fainted. nice.

i'm exhausted. seriously. very very exhausted. left school while they were watching the video. guess i really really just had to leave. after all the anticipating. all the waiting all the hoping. its all over. 

sat in the tiny room behind the stage trying to write down my feelings for today. wrote a few lines before i stopped. stumped. at a loss for words.  sat stoning around for awhile before heading down to shoot abit. felt so fake. my smile was so forced. they just kept coming on me trying to persuade me to smile. i did. but not from myself.

fell asleep in the bus on the way home. think i have a slight fever. i'm worned out. everyday i go out there and a break ever so slightly. i think i need a break. from everything.

8.15pm - killer training today. bahhs. did about a million da bans. kept running and running. drop ball catch ball run run run. couldn't catch my breathe even after da bans. we did er. layups and 4 on 4 i think. finally went off to clear my breathing halfway through sprinting. went back in after break and did 1 on 1. hmms.
 
leg muscles haf gone on strike. all my toes hurt. my butts aching and er. my knee and back are killing me. bahh.
 
leaving class during recess tmr!! gg to see doctor so can play on weds. all thanks to mrs nicks.
 
whats behind the blackout?
 
rubbish entry lars :P

1.31pm - just read rachies blog. pretty much sums up exactly what i was thinking after getting scolded for apologising. guess what the seniors said have really hit us. hard this time.  after the many pep talks, the countless times there was a repition of the words that came out of their mouths. guess they had enough. we've woken up. or at least i hope we did.
 
training tomorrow. hope my eyes don't go crazy on me again. i have  feeling i know what it is. and i don't like it. i've had enough of near death experiences for a year. thank you very much.

5.14pm - yessiree. i am back. i look ultimately BUNG. damnit. not a good idea. ahhhh.
 
aniways. back to yesterday.
 
err. yeah. anastasias house was damn nice. 7 of us slept on her king size bed while waiting for the ultra long indonesian mass to end. went out and stared at the strawberries and lychees and telling pple my fingers were itching fer them. HAHHAS. in the end. we ate ALOT ALOT ALOT. guess my telling myself dey were fake did not help. strawberries rawk. -droools- back to her room after strawberries and mass FINALLY FINALLY ended! and we could eat. YUMMIE. food rawked. yep. HAHHA whole nite of hanging out in her room. dancing and singing and sleeping. stayover next time perhaps. bahss
 
todae
choir in the morning. was falling asleep all over the place. ended at 10? if i had known i wouldnt have gone at all. trng was cancelled so didnt get to meet them after. headed to tp libby and wormed over 1 book and borrowed 4 others. finished 2 already. in the midst of another. 1 untouched. lols.

3.45pm -  yes yes. its me and i'm back again. arghs. stoopid blogger. revamped the whole compose part GRRS.
 
yest
training! morning was weird alot of free periods. ran indoors cause was raining them went down to do da ban after that. hur. did easily a thousand. got sent for a break after joan collapsed on her hands and knees. everyone was kinda freaked out. came back and started four corners for celine then went out to put on knee guard. joined the queue and then my vision started getting blurrer and blurrer. everything looked lyk a splat of colours and the only way i could catch the ball was to look for orange blobs. kept rubbing my eyes trying to get my vision back. all was just blurr. told debbie i couldn't see as we walked to line up fer layups. thought i was kidding. did 2 layups then went of court. lao shi and sheila talked to me. hafen told my parents yet. sat out wif joan and adeline. lol. joan and i talked rubbish before going back in. we did 4 on 4. was quite alrite i guess.  everything was still a tad blur. can't remember when the blurness fully went away.
 
short talk after that. apologised and got yelled at again. thought i was going to cry.  finally snapped out of my moodiness and ate agar agar that then canteen auntie gave us. then headed to anastasias house with rachie, gy, sandra, sheryl, sherlyn and huda. was kinda high in the car. lols.
 
okay. off to cut hair. laters.

7.54pm - we beat gy 32-17 no thanks to me. wasted all my shots. got somewhat tackled to the ground during a layup and there was NO penalty whatsoever. got my hand hit during another layup. NO penalty again. got my layup in after the whistle blew.

i stood there screaming my lungs out and nobody turned to me. i guess i'm just too insignificant. why am i playing then? hur.

gy are weird pple. all of them looked lyk sec 1s! no. 8 kept singing :|. and everytym she put up her arms she choked me! no.14 is totally AP! hurr! was snatching wif her and 2 other gy pple and asked the others for help. she said "help ur head las!" got so pissed i just kept glaring at her.

match ended very abruptly. for some reason there wasn't that loooooong interval during halftym. walked out of court. i could help but feel guilty. i missed 2 open layups. i hesitated. i didn't go in. everything i did seemed so wrong. tears ran down my face as i walked towards the bus. tried so hard to control them and finally laughed them away.

went back to school and watched the match i was really extra-ded standing their like an idiot fer more than half of what i played. disappointment. at least we won.

fell alot of times. thought my nose was gonna break. jumped to intercept a ball and fell smack on my good knee. luckily. was gg in fer layup when got tackled. someone pushed my head on the grnd squashing my jaw and nose. my face went so out of place fer awhile. my knees felt weird. couldn't breathe alot of times. i think it was the over hyper-ness from the bus ride singing sha la la la la. oops.

7.40pm - was so looking forward to training then i had a little accident. dropped a dollar into the drain with the large heavy metal tingy covering it. vanessa wanted to help me think. told her not to but she insisted so okay lo. she lifted the metal thing up and before i could move my foot away she dropped it on my foot! screamed in pain. cursed and sweared. took off my shoes and socks. BLOODCLOT and bruise. hopped all the way upstairs. got ice from canteen iced in class got scolded by cheng wei fer iceing my foot? whatever. tried to wear sch shoes but she HURT ALOT ALOT ALOT so had to wear on one foot and hold the other shoe. did speech barefooted. lol. wet the stage iceing it again. hahahs speech was okay. i guess. hope natalie becomes captain or vice captain. hahas. that hamster (:

training. sat out cause of my toe. wore my sports shoes lyk slippers and socksless. attempted to do hw budden carrie was making so much noise!! her frens came and made even more noise. managed to finish xi zi and maths weekend hw. yayee!. no hw todae (:.

lucky i was wearing my shoes. if not... my toes would have broken off. it was slightly dislocated and i had to pull my toe so the bone went back into place. now, to get well before wednesdays match. takkaire all. GO DREAMTEAM!!

6.06pm - matches are almost over. just 2 left. we haven't exactly played what we can call "our match" so far. beaten by rgs. beaten by stc. beaten by scgs. yet to play gy and bms. i'm not gonna let us leave this competition without showing those people out there what ij bball really has. we're gonna leave spontaneously. leaving a big imprint in their hearts and minds. we're gonna do it. we can.

although the 1st 2 matches didn't exactly go the way we wanted them to, the scgs match was a big improvement besides the somewhat off shots and me getting trapped and wasting many opportunities. but thats over. we're gonna look forward to the next 2 matches to mark the end of our season. we're gonna go next year and the year after next and play the way we were meant to. together, united, as a team. iloveyiew ij bball (:

4.39pm - tired. i'm tired. tired physically. tired mentally. just want to get away for awhile. i want to stop running. just stop and stare at the clouds. breathe in the fresh air and stop myself from thinking of every possible crap in the world.

cip this morning. was high. poor tricia was suffering haha. shut up after awhile. stayed with sandra talking bout err. cute guys? HAHAHAHHAHA weird topic. deborah saw this guy from macs and thought he was cute :|. never knew someone like her could say something like that. haha. bu nan bu nu de. met mr tan during flag selling. HUR. no money to donate!

lunch at underground after getting a swollen hand and getting strangled. duck rice tasted weird. bought new knee guard then came home. fell asleep in the bus again.

right. match on wednesday then wednesday again. can we do it?

6.28pm - can't say i'm really happy at the mo. feeling weird. guess its thats stressed out/disappointed/depressed time of the year. always happens. i hate it. shut up.



leave me alone.

9.17pm - sc match today. we lost. but hell. we played well. 1st match we played properly although 2nd and 3rd quart was not that great. mrs nics didn't want me to play cause my knee was hurting. i wanted to play. said there were other matches i could play in. hell. i wanted to play more today. i'm sorry for everything i did wrong today. ya'll would have done better without me on court. sorry. i wasted about a million chances.

i'm supposed to leave with no regrets but i feel so cheated. by my own feelings. i hate feeling like this.i'm sorry for letting you down guess it can't be helped. hugs all around after the match. happy for them. both sc and ourselves. i wasted all my chances on court good match guys. i love ya'll. there is room for improvements as rachies nick says.

no mood to blog. maybe later. tata

8.53pm - deciding match against scgs tomorrow. i'm surprisingly excited. was feeling confused before the 1st match then weird during before the 2nd. and now. i wonder how it'd be like after yesterday's drama.

i love my team.


to dropped out whoever you are. a team is there to have teamwork. yes, thats true and whats a team without teamwork. but people can changed. people can have an amazing turnover overnight. sometimes it just happens. there has never been hatred in our team. maybe sometimes we do get irritated or pissed off with each other. but no matter how much we dislike a person. we wld never hate her. what can we do if shes in the same team as us? all we can do is deal and adjust to the situation. yep. thats all i've gotta say to u.

ij c div 2004. can go far. we noe it. we all do. i love my team. (:

5.35pm - my eyes are dying. they are seriously falling asleep. ah!! tired tired. training in the morning. mood just went a few minutes before we started

escaped to the other-most court away from everyone. my feeble attempts at my shots just kept hitting the rim and the board rebounding back to me. i didn't run for it. the rebounds that had began to bounce or roll away. was this the hope that everyone held to for so long to go far? were we giving up like the way i just lazily lumbered after the ball? stayed away for awhile. just shooting rubbish shots and thinking. walked back to our spot and sat there for awhile just thinking and rubbing my aching knee. did 3on3 quite moody-ish. played match cause was gg to rain and it did start barely a 10 minutes into it. sat down and talked with some of them. they weren't very happy. talked to the others and suddenly some of us were crying.

talked to the seniors. went to the canteen to sit and think by myself before sunlu called me down saying that the seniors wanted to talked to us. talked abit.we shared abit before they left us to talk and share amongst ourselves. the tension in the air was enough to suffocate a whole third world country. thoughts and opinions were voiced out. tears ran freely. smiles began to creep back on our faces. we did the "IJ!" thing and the seniors cheered. if not for them, we would not have been able to see things from different perspectives. our views are no longer one sided. we're going to keep on working even if we keep on losing. it don't matter if we win or lose as long as we leave court having no regrets.

seniors left after a final short match. forgot to thanked them for knocking so much sense into us. lol. shot for awhile without knee guard. pivoted to face rachie then suddenly got static in my knee or something. damn pain. shot abit more jumping off one leg. lol. lazed around. read abit of my book. tried to look for gys wallet to no avail before leaving for lunch.

lunch at entertainment macs. ate quite alot. lol. walked abit and played with deborahs PINK (NOT PURPLE!) umbrella. lol. stopped playing and those smart alecs managed to damaged it? i tied the threads back together. lol. wenta the libby. then davina left after returning books. we walked about the libby. talked super-loudly (lol). then left with sherlyn who heard us from the lift. lol. guess we made too much noise in the toilet. stood outside delifrance for a long time before leaving.

took 105 home and found that my knee guard had gone byebye in the bus! idiot!! duno where i left it. oh well. i'm gonna miss my 35 dollar tingy hugging my knee now. nvm. i have my tape to cut me. lol.

i'm happy. i guess.

8.02pm - we lost 27-12 to stc. improved a little. was more daring but communication and teamwork was close to nil. 5 attempted shots and none went in. super shit. was doing fine during warm-ups outside. kanchiong-ed i guess. pat got fouled out which was super shit. but she played well anyway.

fell. was snatching with someone else and an stc girl when i fell backwards. stood up again and fell smack on my knee. pain just shot up my leg. was just about getting up when the 2 pple still snatching ball landed on my knee. omg. that was it. there and then. fell on my back again. my leg in an awkward position. grabbed my knee after they got off. my voice was stuck in my throat. all i felt was pain and tears just ran freely down my face. she apologised but i could'nt talk. i wanted to say it was okay. was helped off court and got it massaged. sprayed and taped back. i wanted back in. stc was still leading and some pple were playing weird. was overall a weird game.

headed back to school utterly confused. had talk on the way back. trained abit then teh seniors left. wahahha. talked to wyncy deborah rachie gy and pat. played all sorts of childish games we used to play in pri school. sissy my baby. popeye the sailorman. yi,er,san (1,2,3). chop chilli. oh pillar. edelweiss. say macaroni. fun (:. brings back alot of memories. wish i knew that bunch of idiots in pri. school too. but i'm quite glad i didn't though cause. pple change overtime. and err. i can't quite say i like being around the pple i was close to in pri school.

headed to the laksa place and the laksa uncle recognised me!! wahha. sat in our nos. pat(12), gy(13), wyncy(14) and kerine (15) at one side. and deborah(4), me (7) and rachie(11) on the other side. wahahah. the pple at the coffee shop saw and were all staring at us! told us they were going to buy 4d. LOL. siaoness.

down to chijmes. talked to aileen! wahha she cut her hair. met mrs nicks son. played with makeup wahha wrote our nos. on our faces and arms and i wrote ij tp bball on my arm! lol. funn. left to meet mummy at delifrance fer mass after that. yep.

elected fer blue house comm?! shockk. speech by this weekend. shit. screwed. i don't really want. oh no.

9.38pm - youth day celebrations. not much of celebrations but yeah. okay i guess. rained in the morning so combined mass was cancelled and divided into 2. father jj did our mass! lol. he totally rewrote everything he was supposed to say. lol. amazing grace always kindsa make me wanna cry. reminds me of funerals i guess. scary.

shine jesus shine was fun with eunice thoma and alicia. the shine on me and alleluia. lol. funn! love those girls. lol. resess was pretty much a load of rubbish. long recess with nth much to do. malt candy sellers were RUDE. iderts. oh well.

training after school! did layups before trng officially started and landed bad on my ankle. went up to tape ankle. got up and went down the stairs again. knee was really damn pain. burning sharp pain as usual. chased off court by seniors. sat out for the rest of trng with rachie coming out too cause of her knee then pat because of her back and shoulders. gy came out later cause of breathing difficulties and kerine in the end too cause of a sprained ankle!! deborah and wyncy din come to school cause they had fevers. whoa. 5 out during trng. 2 absent and sick. 7 overall. rest of them have minor injuries.

went to sinseh placey after that in mrs nicks car with kerine and rachie. got the woman! which was kinda err weird. started luffing at 1st cos was ticklish then got abit squirmish cause painn.. then ya. she did me ankle too!! thought it was okay then my session ended and i wenta sit with the rest of them. walked abit and was okay until i walked out to go mini mart to buy something. wah lao. suddenly pain. wahhaha was shocked la. thought it was okay already. so ya. now its worse? i duno.

stc tmr. hope we'll play properly. ilovedemall(:

10.25pm - school was BORING. wahhaha. met rachie after school to go fer the rg/sc match. wahahha. put alot alot alot alot alot alot of chilli in her mee! and she said it wasn't hot. LOL.

headed downta ccab and rachie was gg crazy. lol. kept trying to run away from her!! can't help it mah. shes FUREAKY when she's crazy. lol. watched abit of mini pple playing hockey! lol. den stc had a no. 17 0_o so err weird? lol

rg and sc match was DAMN NICE! super zai-ness. sc lost by 7 point but they played a good match. rg kanchionged abit when sc scored the 1st goal. lol. yep. stc beat gy. gy pple were tiny.

my knee hurts!!! no tape or whatsoever yest. wasnt tt bad. tape today before leaving school cause it was BURNING or something. now its lyk sharp pain and burning feeling. damnit. please get better knee!!