8.18pm - teachers day today. was aite. i guess. mass was prettaye cool. picnic was crazy. cept for the blue spaghtti! that was kewl. wahhas all we had were. fishballs. 2/1 had jelly! yummie! but they were the class wif the most sun? lols. poor thing. melted jelly.

watched a thai movie during eng. had tingxie during chi had fun during lit. i was stanhope. kerine was raleigh. i got to shout at her! teehees! fuunnn. headed to pri school after school wif gy, kerine, sam tay, davina and wyncy. small kids were so kewt! apparently we looked lyk them before! lols! mrs toh cut her hair.. again! oh wells. rushed to tution then. well. it got me thinking. bout my career and all. my ambitions. to be a writer. a journalist in the new future. maybe working fer a pr company? taking over the one mommys running now? hmms. kewl! gona watch a movie wif ker and wyn tmr. then. home to dig up my old essays. to keep. i've enough of doing well in them then losing them. whats the use huh. ((:. iloverachieloads.

--

Even in her sleepy slumber, Montana heard the phone ringing softly on her antique bedside table. Groaning slightly, she stuffed her head between her two large pillows trying to block out every rhythmic sound the cordless phone produced. As the ringing finally eased, she breathed a sigh of relief just as her handphone began to vibrate against her thigh in her pocket in its silent mode. Giving in to the interruptions from her beauty sleep, she finally pulled out her Nokia 6510 from her pocket and accepted the call without thought of checking the caller I.D. Mumbling a muffled 'hello' as she put the phone to her ear, a short pause caused her to be awakened fully after hearing the familiar accented, slightly husky voice sat "It's me."

Her mind drifted off to the fun the two of them had together, as neighbours and as best friends. She remembered the days they spent at the day-care center where they had met and immediately formed a close bond, playing Ken and Barbie, doing finger paints in kindergarten, helping each other with their school work in primary school and the long days they spent at the basketball courts shooting and just lying around enjoying the sun on their faces. It all seemed like yesterday but it was already so long, just barely three years.

It was then when he was sixteen turning seventeen, he burst into her room excited and almost in tears about the news he had with him. She remembered the way he had sputtered nonsensically at her before she finally got him to calm down, and she received the news. He had gotten a nine-album recording contract with the band he had with his two brothers in which he was the drummer. As much as she wanted to be happy for him, she knew that I was going to mean moth or even years without her best friend, her comfort, her shoulder to cry on. The news had broken her heart.

Zachary had left for Hawaii where he stayed with his two brothers recording their debut album a week later, before which Montana spent all day having fun before he was due to leave. As time passed, the brothers’ album was released and their very first tour kicked in. At the beginning, they sent emails to each other everyday but everything soon fizzled out. Montana remembered the day it finally kicked in, when she realized she was sharing her best friend with the world. She spent days locked in her room crying and thinking back.

Things were hard to handle at first. She felt a heart tugging, heart wrenching feeling every time she saw his face plastered in record stores, magazines and newspapers. She saw the way his blue eyes shone with joy expressing the love he had in his music and sharing it with all in the videos she had managed to catch on television. She began to accept the fact that she was forgotten, unwanted and lost in the sea of faces Zac met with each day, until now.

Zac had called to say that he was back in town, back in Tulsa and he wanted to meet. The stress had begun to get to him after years of late nights and early mornings and he was about to five up. He expressed that he missed the fun they had together, the joy he felt whenever they were just in each others' presence. In other words, he missed his best friend.

At first, she was angry. Angry that he was back after contact stopped but as he talked and cried over the phone with her that day, her anger slowly began to subside and she knew that she missed him too.

They had agreed on a place and time to meet so he could make up for lost time. He had mentioned that the band was on a three months’ leave.
"Maybe," she thought "maybe just maybe things could return to how it was before. Just… maybe." A faint smile appeared on her face as the corners of her mouth turned up and she looked out of the window, into the horizon reminiscing on the past, thinking about the future and waiting for the preset to pass.
--

hope yer lyk it. my drummer. and me and my thoughts about lost friendship.

5:13pm -

Sitting here alone
Thinking it through
Trying to convince myself
That I'm not losing you
Why can't you just forget the things I said
I was angry at that time
But now I've cleared my head

It was so strong
Where did it all go wrong


So tell me why
I'm swimming against the tide
I'm praying for a lifeline
Cos I'm losing you
So tell me why
You don't care enough to try
Are you giving up this fight?
I can't stand, wont stand
Losing you

You don't have to say a word
It's in your eyes
What can I do to convince you
We need more time
And i know I may have made a few mistakes
But losing you is just to much for me to take

It was so strong
Where did it all go wrong


So tell me why
I'm swimming against the tide
I'm praying for a lifeline
Cos I'm losing you
So tell me why
You don't care enough to try
Are you giving up this fight?
I can't stand, wont stand
Losing you

So tell me what to say
Because I need
A chance to change
And I wont let you walk away


So tell me why
I'm swimming against the tide
I'm praying for a lifeline
Cos I'm losing you
So tell me why
You don't care enough to try
Are you giving up this fight?
I can't stand, won’t stand
Losing you


i miss you best friend.

5.00pm - i don't know if you've realised. but i have. i feel as though our friendship is in jeopardy. i can't help feeling uneasy whenever i'm with you. i feel as though you're judging me yet i know i'm supposed to trust you enough not to do that.

i don't know if i've changed, or you've changed or if we've both changed. is it just a phase or is it going to be like this forever? maybe i've changed. i think i have but i know you have too.

am i getting on your nerves? why is it that you don't answer my messages the way you used to always do. why do you not have that sparkle in your eye the way you used to have whenever we met and talked. why is it that i feel you're drifting further apart from me? do you hate me so much to not even have a pure acquainted friendship with me? shall we just throw the past year and a half away? shall i get lost from your sight? should i kill myself?

why. why the hell are we like this now!?

i hate it. i bet you don't. sometimes i feel as though you like making me feel guilty whenever we don't agree on something. sometimes i think of you as a hypocrite. you're one of the only ones who can make me smile and yet you're one of the only ones who can make a cry too.

should we just throw away our friendship? will you be satisfied if we did?

i'm sorry if i've changed. but you have too. and i hate the way things are. i thought of you as my bestest friend, my confident. i knew i could talk to you. tell you my utmost secrets. the deep darks. i knew i could run to you whenever i was feeling down.

but now. i don't know. do you not trust me? do you think me low? do you think of me as someone whos spoiling your perfect world? do you hate me? someone please tell me!

i miss you.

10.58pm - been buried in a hell alotta tings the past week! glad to finally take a breather from everything man. phew..

fell into the drain earlier. boohoo. my heel hurts. stayed back fer danceamania duty while emili. alicia and clara stayed with me so we could do lit proj! kena kicked out of the dance studio so headed to the canteen where we made er. alot alot of noise. wahhahas. argued over what to draw and who to draw and how to draw it before gy our savior helped us draw raleigh in the end! woohoo! thanks gy! :D

danceamania is er. weird. okays.

trng tmr. danceamania tmr. i dun wanna go fer both. can i just pon sch?!

8.36pm - Yayee! no more pain at side. thank gawd. wahahah. din't study fer geog last night.. fell asleep during math. boohoos. studied in school today. test was quite okay i guess. wahhas.

aniways. i tink i resprained my toe! damn nice. can't walk properly in sch shoes. hope its okay tmr if not have no morning run again tomorrow?! wahahas.

chi ca tmr. not like i'm gona end up studying but still gotta try mahs.. wahahs. err. alot of math. boohoos. ART ON THURS AND I HAFENT STARTED. PURE SHIT! :P BOOHOOS!

7.53pm - i'm in pain. alot alot of pain! can't sit straight nor can i walk without looking like a penguin. this is baddd. tmr have geog ca somemore so cannot pon. i duno. TONG LA! boohoos.

training sucked. full-stop.

9.38pm - can't help smiling now. hahas. today was rather enjoyable i must say. hahas. started out with cme with miss shanthi. HAHAHHAS on sexuality. lols. love her lessons man. love the stories she tells us! so nicee.

then had science prac.
HAHAHAHHAS. screwed the whole thing up. screw the arsehole who stuck the pin from the side of the softboard cause it came out through the front and stabbed me! damn you. bleahhs.

recess.
hahahas. oh gawsh. sat with the horny people.. so scary. cheena was okay. hahahas talked about corporal punishment all over the world. bout people ripping off skin and letting the skinned prisoners go and people from the streets would throw salt on them! pretty cool. the world is pretty sadistic aint it?

english.
lols. ah chan went through the holiday homework after erm. 3 months? super slow. hurhurs. then ghost stories from army camps! was telling us this nice nice story when the mood was just beginning to build up to this eerie-ish thingy then -announcement- irritating. sobs. he didn't finish the story! oh wells. next time?

training!
HAHAHAHS indoor cause it rained. crapped with pat sandra gy and rachie before training. was funn. hahas. did conditioning the whole time and the seniors were hyper! alvina and kim kept singing and pulling me to listen to them and popping out of nowhere to sing to me. ahhas. damn kewt. elsie and joycelin sang abit too. damn farni. strangling chickens! HAHAHHAHAHAHAS.

did 50 pushups then. suddenly training ended? at 4.45. lols. did 100 crunches. and 20 of the rest then sat around. lay around. screamed around. sang around. blahs. just irritated the hell out of the people in the canteen. poor sec 4s :P.

dinner at macs with jo r.gy.san.rachie.ena. sher and me! wahhahahas. funn! sat there fer a few more hours with rachie jo and ena. talking about everything under the sun. hahas. reliving our childhoods. hahas at the past? went through neos and all ((:

choir tmr? URGHS.

9.38pm - xing tong. ronald susilo lost to that thai guy!! 15-10. 15-1. wth?! i kinda tink we jinx him tho. hahahahhas spent the whole journey to bedok for cip singing his praises! sobs.

school was aite. loads of teachers pmsing. biatches. whats their bloody problem?! hur. after school. met gy rachie and pat in the canteen. hahas. act. they found me!! whahaas. headed to the hall to checkup on the danceamania thingy then left at bout 2.45. ate ice creammy then headed to the mrt to meet the others. hahas yelled at pat and rachie from the top of the escalator! wahhahas. then er. ya. headed noisily to bedok. played with joannas crutches alot wahahs. damn fun. whees. captains ball was kewl i guess. fell off the chair while trying to catch a high ball. wahhahas. farnayye. those people make me look so er. inexperienced!! wahahhas. loved their highballs. wahhh -stares in awe-

boos. 1.5 hr bus ride home. wahhaas. clung on tightly to a corner of me bag as i watched susilo play. sad sad. nvm theres always 2008 olympics! and 2012! and 2016! ill be so old by then. boohoos.

7.01pm - yayee! ronald susilo beat that german guy! great match. hahahas finally understand lyk. at least abbeeeeeeeeeeet about badminton. boi am i slow. skipped tuition. make up on sat. phew.. guess i can't sneak a peek on the dancemania animore.. boohoo. oh wells.

did dnt. stewpid laquer gave me a tummyache. boohoo. oh well. cip tmr. fun??

8.10pm - alls alrighty. abit sick. almost didn't go to school this morning but thought i should just go? lucky i did. hahas. got the subject combis form today! ahhs!! ALL the combis haf A math except for math?! wth. damn shitty. at least i like some of them? fine. one. hahahs. not that bad ler. some people don't even have one that they like.

combi 4
eng
e math
mother tongue
sc(phy/chem)
bio
ss/lit or ss/hist or ss/ geog
geog or lit

so nicee. but so hard. boohoos. gonna talk it over with the rents later ons. CLB here i come! hahas :P

pe was fun! did lots of rubbish. shot a little then played badminton with cheryl hahahas. shes hopeless! and so am i when i'm with her. hahas. then ended up playing with karen, val and joanna. HAHHAhAS. karen and i ended up playing a singles match instead of doubles alot of times. lols. was fun. but the stewpid raquet gave me a BRUISE on my wrist! painn. hahas. duno how to hold raquet :P

kaes. training was okay. warm ups were superfast? my knees were killing me so ended up right at the back after starting from the front. wahhas. fell during the full stretch cause couldn't balance properly. so mahlu. hahas. training was overall okay. rachie said i looked sick. wahahas. wasn't feeling that bad. just a lil sensitive at my lower-back and knees. collided with sherlyn. oohboy. felt as though i broke my collarbone cos shes supersharp! hahas. err. did cool down already and i was thinking how nice training was today with dabans only once! yayee. den he made us line up and do figure of eight on from one side of the court to the other lengthwise?! oh gawd. that killed my back. can can killed my knees. sat down and did rubbish with the lot hahas. didn't feel like moving at all. came home and felt shitter. maybe not gg school tomorow. hmms. BUT I ALWAYS SAY THAT AND END UP GOING! stewpid me! hahas love yall lots

8.42pm - shit it. can't believe i took up the task. beginning to regret not pulling out when daddy mummy asked me to. guess i just wanted to prove them wrong, that i could cope. with 2 ccas, a leadership role in class, slipping grades, endless days of tuition. i hate myself for it.

leadership programme was funn!! did loads of stuff.

arghs. blog later. neckache and a million things to do. shit it.

8.17pm - after a few weeks of total bliss without my knee hurting fer no reason, its back! damnit. woke up very very exhausted in the morning for some reason. walked into class with my eyes half closed and plopped down on my chair and fell asleep on the table only to be awakened by those irratable classmates of mine. hur. what idiocracy. hurs. cheryl babe thought i wasn't feeling well! hahs so kewt. almost fell asleep during assembly. urghs. i hate fridays.

training after school. hur. most of us thought of ponning. guess the only reason why i went was cause i could see them. hahs love them all! :D

oh well. training was bad. rachie had asthma! and she cried. oh gawd. scared the hell out of me and guan yu. hahas. i was lyk rambling to myself while rummaging fer her inhaler. hahas. oops. wasn't feeling too well during the first half. my knee started acting up. urps. then i felt lyk throwing up but had nothing to throw up? ran off halfway through 4 people weave to the toilets. nth to throw up. bleahs. oh well. a million da bans. i hate it. can't stand it. kills my knees kills my back. turned wrongly during 4 on 4 and sumone fell on me. can't remember who, only the painnnn. bahs. horrible. screwed up 4 on 4 and 5 on 5 and da bans. 41 push ups. urps.

dinner after training with the my fellow comrades! stanhope osborne trotter raleigh mason and anastasia! hehes. funn. talked alot. ate alot. rubbished alot. i've missed those days. hahas. haven't had dinner with them in ages. always pulls me outa those moods i get. hhas. they're the ones who make me smile the most. love ya'll babes! :D

i can't stand it. i don't want to feel this way but i just do. training used to be so enjoyable. so fun. so everything. everything's like falling apart. sec 1 was the year of pure innocence, where we were juniors and unaware of how the seniors felt about yelling at us constantly.

i finally understand the tears, the screaming, the shouting, the punishments and the cursing. i understand the hostility. hahas i suddenly feel so awakened. the innocence is gone, replaced by the something we just can't place.

i feel so alone. yet i know that there are others who feel the same way i do. it's beginning to scare me. but i shan't fret. i know no matter what i still have my team backing me up. i shall banish all thoughts of just dropping all i have now and leaving.

i love my team now and forever.

leave the past take only the memories. take firm hold of our present. await our future.
together forever. i love ya'll!

6.03pm - i'm drifting away baby. i'm drifty away.

10.04pm -

ha. my parents and i are at the no communication no physical contact stage. urghs. hate it. hate they way they try to make every thing seem okay after every went so wrong. hate they way they push the blame to me when they rightfully starting picking at the loose ends of my nerves. but then again. i guess it was pretty wrong fer me to scream back at them.

not gg thru the whole story again. why is fcuk a bad word aniways? whats so wrong bout it?

i duno. after the fight. after i broke the ceramic tingy on the door after slamming it too hard. after oreo came to me. i locked myself in the bathroom. lay in the bathtub just thinking of things with the water running. how i flinch every time they touch me. how the words get stuck in my throat everytime i say i love yiew. how i feel so guilty so many times.

i hate it when they think and act as though they know everything. guess i feel ackward opening up to them? goodness knows why. they're my parents : oh well.

i can't really stand the fact that i know so little bout them and they know so little of me. i hate it that they don't try to understand things. i hate that they don't listen when i talk and blame me when things go wrong. is it always going to be my fault?

2.00pm - no school today thanks to everybody's birthday. hahas. woke up at 9.30 and finished off the book i was reading last night. off to the libby tmr before creative horizons. yayee. almost cried while reading. hahas. made me think alot.

i must say that it's been a fast going year. scrapped through lots of tests. listened in class. trained hard. cried hard. played hard.

as short as it seems to be, i love my team. we've only been together fer 2 months but all's coming to an end so soon. 6 more trainings or so before we all go our separate ways before the exams start.

heartwrenching.

i hate that feeling. i'm gonna miss the times we spent just laying, sitting on the courts talking laughing crying. the times we shouted, counting til our throats all felt so hoarse. the times off court we had fun together. the times on court. as a team. maybe but a few exceptions.

6 more trainings. seems to much. yet it seems so short. i'm gonna make full use of them. i'm hanging in there.

4.03pm - whee! had fun yesterday although it ended super early?

national day celebrations yesterday.. was okay i guess. mass was super weird. the homily was even WEIRDER. wonder where they got the priest from? everything he said had nothing to do with the homily nor national day? he seemed to be blaming us fer adultry and all. HAHAHHAS. maybe he thought that we were all er. MARRIED AND COMMITING ADULTRY?! who knows. weird. the concert was funnaye. hahas. we rushed to the bball courts fer warmups and were immediately put on "stage". my view was totally blocked and it was weird fer me to move so all i could see after angeline moved away from conducting fer very stupid faces. HAHHAAS. nah. alvina. joycelin. kim. elsie. carrie. joan. sunlu. blah. damn weird. they so ya. they had toot looks on their faces! made me lose concentration alot of times. oh boi. hahas.

wenta look fer gy sandie and rachie at st gabes after dismissal and lao shi sent us to tell joycelin bout the date changes fer CIP. hur. thought kim was less hyper or sumting. she was saying my name so softly and all and the next thing i knew she SHOUTED my name in my face. oh gosh. had a heartattack. HAHHAS. they kept teasing me. so meann.. hahas pointed out that i was the only one in maroon AND in white. oops.

wheee. off to cine after meeting rachie and changing!! kfc fer lunch. yoshi and long johns was too crowded. food was yummy! the village after that. was huddling with gy half the time. screaming with moo moo and the whole cinema. oh gosh. when i finally got the halfway through i started luffing?? at least it made me scream? one of the only movies that can do that. HAHAHAHHAS. oh gosh. rachie still found it funnaye after that. weirrd. gy and i felt so stoopid!! oh goshh.

off to heeren to use the toilet cause the ones in cine were overcrowded. queued at crepes and creams fer bout 45 mins?! damn cham. haha. rachies cousin called her yiwen! hahas kept teasing her bout it. den sumting else happened. sory gy! i still love yiew! hope u do too. hehes.

back home. finished the da vinci code. slept at bout 4.45 and woke up at 7.40 this morning. looked at my watch. and wanted to sleep someone when i realised it was saturday!!! choir. damnit. libby then home. last nights dinner. todays breakfast and lunch all in one meal. yummy. or maybe not. the gratin was... weird..

8.10pm - red shirt and blue jeans on fridays. urghs. i hate jeans!! makes me beeg butt look bigger! wth. BOOBOO! irritating. no red shirt. so gonna get the nicenice OP shirt. hehe. gayles lending me jeans. hahas i trust her taste! hehe. my jeans are so yucky. urghs. jeans suck!!

back to graphs.

1.40pm - woke up at 6 yesterday. arrived in school at 6.40 and headed to class only to find that the maths w/s was not left under my table! hur. rushed to ava room and got my make up done. foundation went all CRAZY so nisha redid it for me. hahas. gayle did my eyes as usual and liz did me blusher. hahas. headed to hdb hub after practising about a million times more.

waited at hdb hub. walking down the stairs was frightfully quiet. i still remember last yr when we had to walk down that same flight of stairs as quiet as possible and i had hiccups that were super loud and embaressing! should have seen the look on mrs lows face. oh gosh. rushed to change and found out i didn't bring me wipes to remove makeup!! was rushing to just dug about my bag for awhile before eating some food dey da paoed fer us. HUR. riced turned up to be 2 sandwiches, 1 small slice of cake and 1 apple tart tingy. oh boi.

headed to plaza sing to catch mean girls with nicky. but was super early so bought tickets then ate at yoshi. blahs. arcadeded fer awhile then wenta yamaha and just looked at scores. tried to get the book clara was reading from times but they were outta stock!. bahs. bought a black aqua-lip pen. hehe.

movie was quite good. super bitchy and all. took a train back to orchard then wenta wheelock to meet nicoles parents. left after she left in the car then wenta borders. bought teh LAST copy of "his bright light" and "the da vinci code" hahas. oh wells.

wenta somerset to meet the others. read abit then rachie came! hahas. then suddenly joan alvina joycelin carrie and zoe appeared. hahas. they left and guan yu showed up abit later and managed to catch up with them at heeren. hahas and they ran away from us! well at least alvina and joan did HAHAHS. caught joycelin. whee.bullied them fer the rest of the night. ahhas carrie and zoe decided not to go to the food fair in the end so walked to taka with rachie gy joycelin joan and alvina only to find that there was NO FOOD FAIR. BAHS.

took a train to city hall then walked to suntec. saw the jets flying passed super loudly and i thought that the metal bridge was shaking because of them then alvina banged me! forgot that there were people walking on the darned bridge! hahas.

ate quite abit there. laksa. mua chee. SAMPLES! hahahs! tea leaf egg and ice creamie. yummaye. wenta see alvina off with rachie and guanyu and waited fer awhile for joycelin and joan before getting a call saying they weren't cuming ler. hur. headed to crepes and creames and left rachie and gy there. hehe. reached home at bout 9.30. bahs. super tired

wenta church today. hur. nth else. hehe. talking bout sex in a class with both genders and er. nerds aren't really enjoyable. esp. with a teacher like. HER.

rachie so cute with hairband! hehe!